Lately I have been scrolling through the eclectic chaos of my social media platforms. I have a weird mixture of pop culture, baby animal pictures, and DIY projects that bombard me through ads and suggestions. Most people may get irritated and bothered by "Big Brother Google's" algorithms picking up things that seem quite irrelevant to their tastes, but I don't mind it. It keeps things interesting.
Recently, however, the powers that be think I need more Marilyn Monroe in my life. I don't know when or how this became a thing. For a person who grew up on musicals and Fred Astaire movies, I'm surprised I have never actually seen any of her movies. I know a little bit about her life and how she was a leading social influencer of her time, but honestly I barely knew anything. My interest peaked and I started researching her.
I learned that she was a woman who embraced her feminine side, like it was a super power in a time that so many were trying to be "one of the boys." In her eyes being a woman gave her a leg up. She was also a woman who treated everyone with respect and dignity. She was an incredibly hard worker and always seemed to have an optimistic outlook (not considering all of the known troubles she face of course).
The more I read about her, the more I realized, I haven't been kind to myself as a woman or even a person. She was a bonified bad a** and I began to wonder what she had that others don't. It got me thinking back to a friend of mine that I like to think would get along well with Marilyn. Her name is Lou.
I've had several conversations with Lou, about work complaints in particular. I never feel like I'm performing as well as I should be. I face unconscious biases that I hold against myself, against others, and ones that others hold against me. It's a tumultuous time to be a young woman trying to find her way through a corporate world and excel in a rank structure. After about 3 very lengthy, very whiny conversations, Lou stopped me and pointed out I was going in circles. I was always down on myself and never looking at the things I did well or attributes I brought to the team that others didn't. (It's really easy to see flaws in yourself but not the good things.)
Lou realized I needed something to help pick me up and refocus me. So, she gave me a task. She knew that I was a tactile learner because I like to write things out to make sure I remember them, so she had me make a list. (Exciting right?) She told me to right down my mental priorities. I needed to assign quotes to them so that it would stick with me. I was to take it into work and put it in a place I could find easily so I could read it over when I was having a bad day. It's essentially a grounding tool.
I decided one Saturday afternoon that I'd give it a shot and ended up writing until 1100 in the evening. It was cathartic thinking of things that are important to me, and things worth reminding myself. It was also really fun scrolling through pages of Pinterest quotes trying to find the ones that really added the right soul to the point I was trying to make. I was originally instructed to come up with 10... I have 21🙃 (Not to mention the overall theme as well.)
Despite going a little overboard, this is how it ended up:
"Overall theme: What lies behind you and what lies in front of you pales in comparison to what lies inside of you - Ralph Waldo Emerson
1 Don’t be afraid to lead: Accept both compliments and criticism. It takes both sun and rain for a flower to grow.
2 Do what you say you will: Let’s keep it simple: respect my time. Match my effort. Keep your word. Always be honest. Stay consistent.
3 Be willing and eager: And she embraced the chaos, as it painted her life with purpose - JH Hard
4 Don’t quit: Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up - Thomas Edison
5 Always do what you can: Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts - Winston Churchill
6 Fail forward: Those who dare to fail miserably, can achieve greatly - John F. Kennedy
7 People above all else: A strong woman stands up for herself. A stronger woman stands up for everyone else.
8 Set goals: An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So if life is dragging you back in difficulties, it means that it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.
9 No one knows everything: "It’s impossible,” said pride. “It’s risky,” said experience. “It’s pointless,” said reason. “Give it a try,” whispered the heart.
10 Learn from people around you: It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime, so let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you, and you’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart and now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine.
11 Stay calm, cool, and consistent: I’m a damsel. I’m distressed. I can handle this, have a nice day - Hercules
12 Always be honest: Honesty has a power that very few people can handle.
13 Roll with the punches: Anyone can give up, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.
14 Don’t let others get you: Sweet, maybe… Passionate, I suppose… But don’t ever mistake that for nice.
15 If you don’t have your health, you have nothing: Forgive me hands, for I have held everything but myself.
16 It’s OK to have off days: You hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong girl. At the same time, though, you hate how nobody noticed how torn apart and broken you are.
17 Don’t lose you in the process: And, she had this weird habit of being herself all the time; that’s why, not everyone liked her.
18 Embrace being different: The place where you feel that you stick out the most is the place where you should stick out and stay. That’s where you can contribute something new and something fresh - Riz Ahmed
19 Know when it’s time to walk away: I hope you have lived a life you’re proud of. If you find that you have not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again - F Scott Fitzgerald
20 Remember you’re not a super hero: Wonder Woman can take a hit, that doesn’t mean you have to.
21 Believe you can be extraordinary: Life tried to crush her, but only succeeded in creating a diamond - John Mark Green"
It's a long list, and it has a lot of meaning to me personally, maybe to some of you. However I know that every single one of these things has different meanings to each person who reads them. The gist of the list is take it a day at a time and be yourself. I personally tend to worry about every little thing so a lot of these are reminding me to calm down and look at things logically. It also reminds me that it's alright to have emotions and get upset about things, as long as you don't dwell on them too long. I highly suggest giving this a try if you're interested. If anything it's just something fun to do and you've got nothing to lose.
I wish I could say I've actually been using this list. You see, I made it 5 months ago and haven't looked at it since. The only reason I found it again was because I was cleaning out notes on my phone. I got so busy and once again completely ignored my own mental, physical, and emotional well being. I got to a point where I was just irritated all the time about stupid things at work, or little things friends/family did. I was about to jump down the next person's throat that told me to smile more or that I didn't chat like I used to.
I was so focused on trying to do everything and make everything perfect that I was actually failing across the board. I was injured and not working out, causing me to eat my feelings and put on that COVID-19 weight. Work was overwhelming, destroying my social motivation. As a result, I was isolating friends in a time we all needed to be taking care of each other. Because of all these things, I wasn't getting the mental recharge that I needed, and was all over the place emotionally. I wasn't channeling my inner Marilyn successfully.
I don't necessarily believe in fate or coincidence, but the day I found this list again was a day that I had hit total burn-out and was just not motivated for anything. I had been laying on my couch for hours after work, watching dance sequences from random Marilyn Monroe movies that Instagram found relevant. I hadn't even walked Fae for 3 days and her pent up energy was getting on my nerves. I remembered I had the list on my phone and opened it up out of curiosity. By the time I finished reading it, I was reminded tomorrow is another day; I had so many things I was grateful for; once again I was grounded. (Until the next day of course...) I picked up Fae's leash, hopped in the car and headed to the beach. With the windows down and wind in our hair (like Marilyn flying down the Pacific Coast Highway in a red convertible), we listened to the waves crash against the West Coast Cliffs, and all was at peace for a sole moment.
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