Beyond a Ladies Room Across the Globe

It has taken me almost a year to begin writing this particular piece. I have started so many times but couldn’t seem to do justice to the experience I had lived or what it meant.

The day began like any other, inundated with mundane tasks and the white noise of a demanding workplace. What was different than the everyday humdrum was we were going out! This doesn’t sound like much of an accomplishment, but in a time filled with COVID, the ritual of this type of communion was sacred.

Of course, our nights revolved around food and finding the next best place we could relax, not having to think about anything related to work. The rules were simple, you had fifteen minutes to brain dump everything you wanted to rant about. That was the warning; you bring it up again you’re paying.

We finally found a place we were interested in trying. The weather had taken a turn for the cooler side (much to everyone’s relief). However, that meant we were looking for some comfort food. As a myriad of different backgrounds, cultures, and races we quickly realized that “comfort food” was a very subjective term.

We ended up settling on something called “Hot Pot.” It’s a family style meal seemingly of Asian descent. I’m not sure if this has a proper name, or different ones across the world, but it was perfect for the chill in the air that evening. The waitress set a big bowl of stew in the middle with the most delicious spices swirling inside a mixture of savory broth. We chose the sides we wanted (basically all of them since “the boys,” as I like to call them, could eat). By the time we left the restaurant we were certifiably fat and happy.

Looking back now I realize I owe a lot of the memories I carry to this group of guys. They dragged me out and were kind enough to invite me along during a time I didn’t really feel like I belonged where I was. It’s these nights I remember most when I look back over the past year.

But this night stood out for a different reason…

I forgot to mention earlier that knowing we were socializing in public for the first time in months, I put in some effort. I danced on my favorite pair of jeans, strapped on some cute wedges, and spent at least an hour on my hair and make-up alone. I wouldn’t say I was particularly fancy, but it was one of those days where you knew your effort paid off; I looked good! (Bear with me, I do have a point.)

When you feel good, confidence naturally exudes from you. Normally this is a good thing… at the time however, where we were, it wasn’t a great idea to stand out too much. (We already did for other reasons.) As we began walking through the mall, I quickly realized my super blonde, translucent-white self was getting a lot more attention than I had expected. It wasn’t necessarily dangerous, but I was the embodiment of two different world philosophies clashing at that singular moment in time.

I was self-conscious all night. I was hyper aware of every glance and comment. It got to the point I wouldn’t go anywhere without one of the boys escorting me. (It never hurts to be cautious in my experience.) However, the moment came where I had to be on my own and fend for myself as any young woman must during an evening out. (That’s correct… I had to use the ladies room.) Without my faithful pack of girlfriends surrounding me in this strange place, I had to adapt. I made it a point to not make eye contact and avoid speaking to people if possible.

All that confidence I had walking out my door deteriorated within a matter of seconds as I walked past the stares of disapproving men on my way out. Suddenly I heard the softest voice say, “I like your outfit.” It’s strange that something so timid and quick could impact you so profoundly. This young girl couldn’t have been more than 10 years old. She was in her “ugly-duckling” phase of childhood that we all know so well. Still growing into ourselves with awkward social skills and feelings of insecurity. Perhaps this is why it caught me off guard. Ten-year-old me would have never had the confidence to approach someone in the way she did. It was one of the most empowering experiences I’ve ever had.

This little girl was surround by a dichotomy of being told she must maintain extreme beauty standards, but one day would not be free to run around uncovered like she did so casually in her textured kitty t-shirt at the time. At this point in her life, she was free to be whatever she believed, and she took the time to tell me, “I notice you.” (To think, all this because of my fashion choice that eveing.)

In that split second, I tried not to cry as I felt a wave of humility rush through me. I wasn’t sure if it was the emotionally charged evening, or this feeling of responsibility that appeared out of nowhere. When I was a little girl like her I was fortunate to have the privileged to grow up in a different environment where I could express myself more openly than she will be. It was more than a culture shock for me.

The thing is the women there are some of the classiest people I’ve ever encountered. That’s across the spectrum of those who chose to be fully covered complete with veil or others that didn’t at all. So, the fact this child held me to that standard, and saw me as a role-model of sorts, was humbling and daunting all at the same time. We are from contrasting ideologies, yet she saw me as an equal, a woman… something she’d like to be one day. I hope when she grows up, she gets the chance to be a role model to the little girls around looking to her for silent advice, just like she was looking to me that day.

We may come from two very different worlds, but childhood innocence cuts through our own indoctrinations and focuses on the foundation of humanity. Somehow in the middle of a mall, in a place I felt I didn’t belong, half-way across the world, a young girl reminded me what confidence, empowerment, and kindness genuinely meant in just a sentence.

As I rejoined my group, someone asked what I was talking to her about. I said, “I was telling her how I like her kitty t-shirt,” and I walked out with my eyes level and my head a little higher.